the print is available here
this is the only photo that i have on my computer of our house in utah, so i'm not sure if you can see the similarity. it was taken from the garage side, and not from the front. but if you really know me, and you know this house, then you'll know how close the two are.
it also made me sad, and homesick. i've lived in north carolina for over 4 years, but it has never really felt like home. i don't have any real connections with anyone out here, besides my husband and his immediate family, and a few of his close friends (who are great). i often feel disconnected and detached. sometimes i feel like i am floating around in a foreign land.
this feeling is very strange to me. my whole life i had always been surrounded by my family, and lots of friends and coworkers. now i just spend my time at home with malcolm. i wish he had some little friends to play with. and i especially wish that alanna had some good quality relationships too. the girls she has met at school are flaky and unreliable. she has missed out on the joys of having a best friend to grow up with. this makes my heart hurt, and sometimes makes me feel like i have failed her. when i see or hear about grown women who have been great friends for their entire lives (like on oprah today, haha), i can't help but feel envious. i do not have that connection with anyone. and neither does my daughter. what a shame.
the city where we live is nice. it is beautiful out here too. i love danny so much, and we have a great little family. plus so many amazing things have happened since the move (malcolm!), but i can't help but miss salt lake city. a lot of it has to do with my aging parents. i think about how they are missing out on our lives, and seeing their only grandkids kids grow up. i miss talking to my brother. and my sister is going through a really rough time in her life right now too. last night she sent me an email, and in it she said how she wished i were there, and that she wished we weren't so far away. it made me bawl. i feel the very same way. i am homesick, and i probably always will be. forgive me for venting about it here. i usually just keep all of these feelings to myself. but today i felt like i needed to let it all out. so if you've read this far, thank you for listening.