holy crap, we shaved the baby!

malcolm was in desperate need of a hair cut... so we shaved it all off! it's getting hot out, and he needed a more summer friendly look. i totally love his little curls in the back, and i'm hoping they will grow back. we've cut his hair once before, not quite this short, and it all grew back pretty quick. i think this new cut is very cute. it brings out his eyes. actually, his eyelashes are longer than his hair now!

this is what he looked like when he woke up from his long nap yesterday... wild!

this was earlier today

right before we started shaving

he totally fell asleep!

rinsing off all the hair

the finished product!

(he always has something in his mouth, haha)

i love...

...being a mom.

happy mothers day to me!

hot weather = tired baby

today we spent a few hours at pullen park for a little birthday party. danny's friend tommy's son luc was turning one. it was hot out, much hotter than i had expected it to be, but we had a good time. i think we were all sweating the whole time. yuck. i'm not ready for the hot, humid summer. malcolm had fun running around with luc, and i spent the entire time chasing after him, so i missed getting a photo of them together.

this is luc at malcolm's first birthday party in january

alanna and garrett went out on the paddle boats

alanna cooling off after all that hard work on the water


malcolm taking a break after running around in the hot sunshine


he took a major nap after all that activity

haha, look at that sleep pose!

motherhood

a friend of mine recently posted a blog about her past, and it had a lot of similarities to my own. it made me realize how closely our lives have paralleled, but how completely different they have ended up. you can read it here.

i hope she knows that she is an amazing person, and that someday, she will find someone who is her complete match... someone who will really appreciate her for who she is. it also inspired me to share my story of how i became a mother. this also seems appropriate, since sunday is mothers day and all. so here goes. sorry it’s kind of long.

in the fall of 1995, i was 15 and working my very first job at a movie theater. a friend of mine who was a few years older than me needed a place to stay, so she moved in with me at my parents house. she had a boyfriend, and wanted to introduce me (and my best friend at the time) to some of his friends. she brought them all into the theater to see a movie. after i got off of work, we all went over to my best friends house. this is where i first met him. i was not interested in dating any of them... i was young, and naive, and they were all much older than me. a bunch of us ended up hanging out as friends a few more times, and i got involved with one, when i shouldn't have. i made some poor choices, some really bad decisions, and after only a few short months, i found myself very hurt and alone. needless to say, our relationship ended, as well as the two friendships i mentioned before.

i went on with my life, i turned 16 and was a sophomore in high school. i kept myself busy with school, friends, and homework. in the spring of '96, i started feeling really tired all the time, a lot more than normal. i had no energy, i slept through or skipped a lot of classes, and my stomach was all tight and sore, i knew something was wrong. i had a feeling that i was pregnant, but i was still getting a (light) period, and i was definitely in denial. so i hid it very well. i finished the school year without anyone finding out. not even my closest friends. (thank goodness baggy clothes and JNCO jeans were in style then, haha.)

in may, a month after i'd turned 16, and around the same time that i was getting really worried about what i should do, he came back into my life. like he knew somehow? so i told him, and we went to planned parenthood together. the test was positive. according to the date of my last known period, i was due november 23rd. yikes! his first reaction, was for me to “end it“. but i was already too far along. plus i was underage, so i would have had to leave the state. it didn't matter, i NEVER would have done that anyway, and i was really hurt by the idea, and that he would even suggest it. he told his father (whom i had never met), and he immediately said that i should “give it up“. my heart hurt. our relationship ended for good... which ultimately, was for the best.

from day one, i knew that i wanted this baby. i had never really liked babysitting, and i had always said, “i’ll never have kids”. i had also never even held a newborn before, and i had no idea what i was getting myself into. but i knew that i was supposed to have her, and that i would be a good mom, and that everything would be okay. oh yeah, i also new that she was a girl too... just mothers intuition, i guess?

so i had to tell my family. that was one of the worst days of my life. i was so upset i couldn't even speak. i felt like i had let everyone down. like i was such a failure. and i had no idea how they were going to react. my parents are very religious, and the choices i had made went against everything they believed in and had tried to instill in me. it was awful. my mom and dad have always been very supportive of me, and they were very forgiving. i remember my dad not talking to me for a few days, probably so that he wouldn't say the wrong things, or make me feel any worse than i already did. but when he finally did, it went something like this, “even if this baby doesn't have all of its limbs, we want you to keep it”. haha, he always has a funny way of saying things, which i love. i was so thankful to have their love and support.

at the end of july, i went with my mom to my very first ob/gyn visit. on august 8th, i had my first ultrasound. it was a girl. and she was due september 30th… not at the end of november like we had thought! i was so scared and unprepared. i really had no idea what i was doing. luckily, while i was at the appointment, i ran into an old friend from elementary school who had just had a baby. woah, she was the same age as me, and already had a kid! she told me about a school that she was attending, and gave me their contact info. it was a public alternative school for young mothers. i was enrolled that month, and started on the first day of my junior year.

on september 30th, 1996, my daughter, alanna gwynne hart, was born. my contractions started while i was at the movies. she was born on her due date. she weighed 7 lbs. 7 oz. and was 20 in. long. my labor and delivery went really fast, and was smooth and easy. i recovered quickly and was back in school after just two short weeks off. alanna went to school with me every day for those two years until i graduated (with honors) in 1998. that school really saved me. i learned all kinds of skills important for being a mom and a homemaker. i was a single teenage mother, and it helped me become independent. plus it gave me the opportunity to actually finish high school, which most teenage mothers aren't able to do.

my life truly changed in every single way, once alanna was born. it was hard, i had so many more responsibilities. i lost a lot of friends, and part of my youth. but i loved her, and i knew i had made the right decision (for once). it also made me realize that everything happens for a reason, and that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. i really appreciate all the help i have received from my parents over the years (and family and friends). my mom and dad really made it all possible, and i wouldn't be where i am now, without them. i love you mom, and i hope you have a very Happy Mothers Day!

that's me on the left, in san francisco in august 1996, about 8.5 months pregnant

and here is alanna at age one, in october 1997

mail

i love getting letters and cards in the mail. they are so much more personal and special than getting an email. but don't get me wrong, i also enjoy getting emails too... i really just love hearing from friends and family, since we all live so far apart. i need to be better about sending things to others. i'm pretty good with getting christmas cards out on time, but i often forget about all the other special holidays and occasions.

i got this a few days ago from my friend kitra. she was my supervisor and hired me for my first job out here. we worked together for a year. the photo is of her new baby dylan. he's 5 months old and is so cute and chubby!

and i got this one today from my friend haley. she is married to danny's good friend paul. they live about 2 hours away, so we don't see them often enough. she made the flower out of cut paper, with the help of her adorable daughter gracie.

i really appreciate both of them. thanks ladies! happy mothers day to you as well.

*update 5/9* my mom and dad always send me a mothers day card. i received this one from them today. mom said that the picture reminded them of me. how nice. they also sent a hefty donation, to go towards our disneyland fund

thanks guys. i love you both!

checkup

malcolm had his 15 month checkup yesterday. his dr. says he looks and is doing great! he now weighs 21 lbs 4.5 oz. is 30 inches long and his head is in the 60th percentile. haha, his head size has always been way ahead of his body! he sure seems to be getting a lot bigger. sometimes i look at him, and think "who is that baby?" like he has changed, and i don't even recognize him. i remember thinking that when alanna was growing too. funny how much they can change in such a small amount of time.

waiting to be seen by the dr.

danny is home

danny got home this morning around 3 am. he says the trip was great. good friends, good hangouts, good eats, good stores, and good music - apparently trial swept every other band away, and were amazing! i wish i had been there. he brought alanna back some pretty awesome kidrobot and uglydoll toys. and he brought me these from chicago diner:

holy crap, i'm gonna be sick!

alanna went to the dentist today. NO cavaties! she sure does have a sweet tooth, but always seems to avoid getting any of those lil' buggers. but here's one thing that she can't avoid much longer...

dun dun dun... BRACES!! yikes.

so i guess we'll be making an appoinment soon for a consultation. she is not stoked. she's bummed about having braces and glasses, haha. looks like we're gonna have to go to the eye dr. as well, for some contacts. holy crap, i almost have a teenager!!

the price of children

my mother sent me this in an email today. it made me cry. i thought i would share it with all of you...

The Price of Children

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition.

But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into:

* $8,896.66 a year,

* $741.38 a month, or

* $171.08 a week.

* That's a mere $24.24 a day!

* Just over a dollar an hour.


Still, you might think the best financial advice is don't have children if you want to be "rich." Actually, it is just the opposite. What do you get for your $160,140?

* Naming rights. First, middle, and last!

* Glimpses of God every day.

* Giggles under the covers every night.

* More love than your heart can hold.

* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.

* Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.

* A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate.

* A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites

* Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.


For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to:

* finger-paint,

* carve pumpkins,

* play hide-and-seek,

* catch lightning bugs, and

* never stop believing in Santa Claus.


You have an excuse to:

* keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,

* watching Saturday morning cartoons,

* going to Disney movies, and

* wishing on stars.

* You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay or Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.


For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for:

* retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,

* taking the training wheels off a bike,

* removing a splinter,

* filling a wading pool,

* coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.

You get a front row seat to history to witness the:

* first step,

* first word,

* first bra,

* first date, and

* first time behind the wheel.


You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great grandchildren. You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.


In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits. So, one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost. That is quite a deal for the price!!!!!!!

Happy Mothers Day!